Empty Pots on Patio Blow Back and Forth All Day

MADISON, Wisc.--In true hippie spirit, the black pot and the brown pot have been blowing in the wind on a second story porch for several weeks now, content to roam wherever the wind takes them.

At one point, in a show of individualistic thinking highly frowned upon by the brown pot, which has been wedged in a corner for two days, it almost appeared that the black pot would ignore the call of the wild and stay put. But in a last second gesture of bravery, it rolled across the patio once again, revisiting the same knot and splinters it rolled over five seconds ago.

Pot owner Allison says she's considered picking them up and stacking them between other pots on the patio, which are full of dirt and serving a greater purpose in life. "I hate to take away their freedom, though. Look at those guys. They're free to do whatever they want. Who am I to put them in their place?"

Her sentiment is representative of that throughout the Madison area, where many tree-hugging hippies are content to let their gardening implements and lawn furniture run rampant through the city streets. This has led to such incidents as the 2011 lawn chair stampede and the case earlier this year of a rogue trowel that stabbed its owner in the foot. The trowel is still at large and considered unarmed, but dangerous; please call local police forces if it is seen and do not attempt to engage.

Despite Allison's apparent consent of their lifestyle, the pots refused to comment.

Happy Avatar Day, Father Lord!

Happy belated Avatar Day!

We celebrated Avatar Day on Father's Day this year (instead of the day before), so we decided to include Spousal Unit's father in on the fun by writing "Happy Avatar Day, Father Lord" on the cake. He didn't get it, but that's okay. A slice of virtual ice cream cake to anyone who does get it.

Letter to the Future Ex-Governor

*Warning: Triggers and politics ahead.*

Dear Governor Walker,

I was very disappointed to hear about the new legislation requiring women seeking abortions to 1) get an ultrasound first and 2) be forced to look at the ultrasound images. I understand that, from your perspective, this is being done to provide women with "more information" on which to base their life-altering decisions. I'd like to tell you why I think that is, to put it lightly, a misguided perception.

Imagine being a pro-life woman who desperately wants a child, who has to have an abortion for medical reasons - if she doesn't, she, the child, or both of them will die. Being forced to look at that ultrasound would be a torturous reminder of what you can't have.

Without that torture, would her decision be uninformed?

Perhaps you are a woman who never would have considered abortion before being raped. A month or two have passed, and you are still traumatized by the event, having frequent nightmares and an inability to resume a physical relationship with your significant other, because physical intimacy gives you flashbacks. After this violent crime committed upon you, you discover that the man who raped you - the subject of your abject loathing and shame - has gotten you pregnant. When you try to have an abortion performed, you discover that you will first need to have this inserted by a complete stranger.

Terrifying.

Is a rape victim more informed by this painful, humiliating procedure?

These are not mere examples; these women exist and have to go make these awful decisions daily. To me, suggesting that a woman does not have all the necessary information to make a difficult decision like this is simply condescending, insulting, and degrading. What more does a woman need to know, other than that a fetus is growing inside her and that, one way or another, it could, will, and already has changed her life? Being forced into an invasive ultrasound only makes a difficult decision more traumatic.

Women understand what they're getting into, Governor. Do you?

Sincerely,

Your adversary in the upcoming elections,

Allison

A Graduation, Complete With Murder Mystery

Last week, my baby sister graduated.

I got to see my niece again for the first time in ages - and she didn't start crying when I tried to take a picture with her!

There was a strange murder mystery, and we're still not sure if the purple dinosaur (not Barney) was the intended victim or the murderer.

But it doesn't really matter, because we're all mad here.

The "Help Me" Game

Jim Benton

When I was little, I played a game in the car that, had my mother known about it, would have gotten me in possibly the biggest trouble ever.

Mom would be in the front seat, driving to the grocery store, the mall, wherever. I'd be hanging out in the backseat, like you do when you're that young.

Keep in mind, my imagination is nuts now; it was even more nuts back then. When I played this game, I was dead serious about it. As I entered the realm of make-believe, I left reality behind entirely; the game became my one and only reality.

I would lean over to the window, my hands flat against the glass (Mom was always wondering what required me doing that, I'm sure). My mouth would follow suit - or at least be very close to the glass, right between my hands - and I would mouth two words at passing vehicles, in the hopes that they would see.

Help me.

That's right, I used to make-believe that I had been kidnapped and was sitting in the backseat of this terrible car against my will, driven around by a stranger who was pretending I was her kid. In those moments, I wanted nothing more than to be rescued from my imaginary hell.

I'm just lucky no real strangers on the other side of the glass did.

Harvest: Draft 3

My novel is complete.

I have completely finished the most recent draft, meaning I have a book that can be read from beginning to end. It's still not pretty and still needs a lot of work, but this step is complete. For about two months, I worked on it nearly every day, writing about 400 words (a little more than one page) during my lunch hour at work. This is goal 7 of my 25 things.

This has resulted in a total of 331 pages and 91,848 words. I'm very impressed with me.

The next step is to reread the whole thing, then start draft 4. There are one or two sections that need to be added, several scenes to rewrite, and continuity to check for. I also want to revamp some characters. So much work to be done, but after about 30 pages, I can already see what the main problems are, so that's kind of nice.

The main thing I'm worried about is my writing overall. I've improved so much while finishing the ending, and I'm afraid that by writing so much less right now, I'll lose that skill and have to start from Ground Zero all over again.

But that's why I started this blog in the first place: to whip my writing skills in tip-top shape for the sake of my book and to get in the habit of writing daily.

A Graduation

Today, we're heading out to see my little sister graduate.

I will likely be so smothered by family that you won't hear from me again. This week, anyway. I don't think they'd go so far as to kill me.

Wasn't expecting this post to go there. It's always the short ones...